I can’t handle the looks that they’re giving,
So tonight I will leave the world of the living,
and travel into the world of dreams,
Held together by infinite stitches and seams.
I balance on a thread as I walk to a whole new world.
Met all the strangers whose lips were curled.
Mr. Unknown dressed in borrowed clothes,
Who has secrets so dark, he strikes a friendly pose.
I am this man.
the one who always ran,
along these threads that dictate how I feel.
Now I can’t even tell what’s real
Because the stitches and seams start to fray,
and the brand new holes let in the light of day.
Those strangers in the night call me a friend,
Now I’m not an actor but i Try to pretend,
To lOse my melancholic demeanor,
But the world of the living isn’t meant for a dreamer.
On the dark and lonely street
the sounds of two running feet
echoed in the midnight air.
He runs in his mud stained shoes,
from the the life he did not choose.
“It’s not fair, It’s not fair”
Those footsteps seemed to say,
but he keeps running anyway.
Every night I’m taken to a room,
where the darkest thoughts seem to consume
In this room there is a mahogany chair,
and a rope at which I can only stare,
lying on the floor are miscellaneous things,
I look outside and only the vultures sing.
A requiem for all the things I know
just like trees mourn seeds that don’t grow.
I grab the rope and sit on the chair,
twisting it in my hands like a strand of hair.
Nevermore has a rope looked so inviting,
or thoughts of death been so exciting.
And like a snake it started to wind,
as i thought about the friends I’d leave behind.
Wake up, Wake up.
I shift and struggle in my bed,
as this dream wants to leave me dead.
in this room I drink myself into a haze.
and in my stupor a revolver holds my gaze.
I sit and load the bullets one by one,
Silent until the patient work is done.
Sitting in the room, I think for a while.
Looking down the barrel makes me smile.
Eyes shifting to the trigger about to be pressed,
caused a quickening inside my chest.
The message jumped from the brain to the finger,
thoughts of the outside seemed to linger…
WAKE UP, WAKE UP.
You won’t tell me what’s going on but I can guess,
I can see something bleeding in your chest.
something so delicate, something so fragile,
something that can be fixed, but not for a while.
Molehills grew into mountains, sinks to fountains,
and maybe It’s the blessings I should have been counting,
not the sins of the past, the times that didn’t last,
or haunting memories that multiplied and massed.
And maybe through fixing you, i can fix myself too,
and maybe through this hug, I can hope to renew,
lives that we knew, lives that never grew,
lives too good to be true, lives we cannot glue.
I’ve got hammers and nails, umbrellas for the hail,
unsent mail, and stairs with guard rails.
I won’t let you fall, and if i see you bawl,
I could be your roof and your walls, once and for all.
But if I collapse, or you happen to relapse,
I’ll bruise my hands collecting your cheese from mouse traps
So if you think that there is nothing you can do,
I’ll be there, with an effort to fix you.
we’ll have our day in the park. i promise you this, like i promised you when we were kids. we’ll eat pepperoni pizza, ice cream sandwiches, and we’ll sit in banana boxes til the sun goes down.
Do you remember the days where I played in the sand,
and after we crossed the street and i held your hand?
fortunate enough to catch the ice cream truck coming
and we were first in line despite those kids running.
you’ve been working so hard to provide my necessities,
leaving the door open because mom i forgot my keys.
Do you remember when you were pretending to be my dad?
A pillow of relief, when those nights made me sad.
Being james bond, playing with congo and cuddles,
we’ve been through oceans, so I can conquer these puddles.
you’ve been my savior, my brother, my best friend,
and I’m praying to god that we both make it to the end.
Do you remember the mornings where you burned yourself?
or hammered your thumb trying to create a bookshelf.
that was you, trying to the best of your ability,
I guess i didn’t understand love like i do responsibility,
So dad, I took you for granted just like always,
i got nothing now but to think of the glory days.
Breathless
here are the words for you I couldn’t prep,
because I’m terrified of that first step.
It’s like im underwater-gasping for air,
in my mind there is a small but growing tear.
When I see you I can’t even take a breath,
always trying to breathe but no air is left,
because i see you in both sides of my brain,
the coward in me sees my courage slain.
Jekyll wants this, but Hyde wants that,
neither could decide, and so we sat,
to think about a girl who combines our worlds,
who finds the marbles we lost and turns them to pearls.
And I know now what I would like to do,
At the end of this day- I want to be holding you,
but all i have are pillows and imagination,
fantastic dreams and reality’s frusturation.
My memory’s blurred, but I’m somewhat sure
that tonight you said words that traveled like birds,
across the air and along the skyline,
as I took some swigs and dragged on cigs,
and blew out rings that travel with wings,
and your birds start to talk to mine.
they say they love, their times above,
because when they land, there are no hands,
for them to hold.
In flight they fight for the rights,
to both of our hearts and art.
knowing both aren’t gold
using paper planes and made up names,
hearts on sleeves and make believe
we express something we can’t contain.
There’s an intimacy that you can’t see,
and i had to expect, what i couldn’t collect,
I express something I can’t obtain.
Messengers get shot, and I did not
know what to do, so i flew to you
with a message from the inside
bullets did fly, and i did die,
by the window, you’ll never know,
the message lost by the seaside
I woke at nine in the morning,
with a sense of hurt and mourning.
I will let you both fade to black,
dark memories pushed to the back,
of a mind that’s racing around,
top of my head but it thinks down.
here I am lying on the ground,
swimming in air, in which I’ve drowned.
Pushing back the tears that I’ve wept,
Regretting promises not kept.
floating along in this river,
it’s Dirty waters killed my liver.
gasping for breath, close to my death,
unable to stand in this depth,
in an ocean of emotions,
Couldn’t change thoughts set in motion
My head’s hot but I start to shiver,
Steering for the end of the river.
Loved ones overboard before the fall,
The boat keeps going, I don’t care at all.
I flicked my lighter, a fire comes to my eyes,
as opposed to the cold stares, when I tell my lies.
Leaning back, I breathed a dark cloud over my head,
There was nothing I could have done, or have said,
That would have deserved a week in which I wish I died
There was nowhere I could run to, and nowhere to hide,
From this dark cloud, or all this pain I have felt
I’m trying to play these cards that i’ve been dealt.
I was never dealt a full deck, so it’s just forty-five,
And in my life, It’s been a hard fight to stay alive.
face is swollen,hands are bruised, and im bleeding tears,
My mind is racing, I can’t think, I’m full of fear.
All of you wonder why I’m in such a terrible mood,
you would be too, if you’ve been chomped and chewed,
as if you were stale food, just over a week old,
I’m just scrap brass, wishing that I was gold.
In these demon days, I’m wishing that god would,
care about his “son”, who has loved more than he could.
He’s going to take a chance and go out on a limb,
The devil has taken the world, and laughs at him.
That laugh shakes me, breaks me, makes me, takes me,
to a place in which no one should ever, ever be.
The place in which my demons go in for the kill,
and when I die, the devil will be laughing still.
Cold week, Cold, weak.
Slow speak, Low, meek.
Dead sweat, Head, wet.
Don’t fret, Not, yet.
Days of ice, memories of nice.
Cold week.
I’m scared, Don’t, dare.
Not there, Not, fair.
Fogged breath, thoughts, death.
No rest, Long, test.
Days of frost, Love was lost.
Cold week.
Blood flows, I, know.
Head low, Can’t, go.
Can’t stay, Can’t, pray.
Lost way, Cost, pay.
Days of cold, good times old.
Cold week.
Bad time, Worse, crime.
Touched slime, grease, grime.
Those bars, My, scars.
You’re far, This, hard.
Harder than ice.
Cold, heart.
I take a book from my shelf,
It’s worn down spine,
and it’s waterlogged pages,
could only further my interest.
The beginning pages unravel,
mysteries, heroics, happiness.
A feel-good book,
to read on a rainy day.
Rain.
In the story it’s raining.
The main character sleeps,
and dreams of the day he passed.
He saw his grandfather,
an ever-present character.
Together, eating dinner with the family,
How happy he looked…
As the family turns to leave,
ready for a drive with the windows down,
The grandfather, in broken english,
says his farewell, accompanied by a full smile.
“See you tomorrow”-
those words trail out the door
The setting changes,
The family of four rushes into the hospital,
Anxiously they stare,
at the rises and falls of those green lines,
changing to keep pace of his breaths,
which were getting progressively slower…
A sheet covers the body,
The doctors and nurses,
they know him by a tag on a foot,
or the family he left behind,
whose tears flooded the floor
See you tomorrow- who knew
that those falsities and truth,
would compose such a tragedy?
The cruel plot twist,
ruined a happy ending,
Tears punctuate this epilogue.
Here we are,
at the end of a story.
I went from having everything to none at all,
I was on top of the world, then i started to fall.
I was looking down and you were looking up,
Baby you always fill my half-empty cup.
We can be modern day Bonnie And Clyde,
So girl I’m asking you to come with me for a ride,
Please hop in, I want you by my side,
For tonight, we Can let instincts be our guide.
You hesitantly hop in and ask me where to,
I say don’t know baby, as long as its with you.
We were robbing banks and just doing our thing,
I couldn’t hear the alarms, because you make my heart sing.
But then the cops had to show and ruin our good fun,
We dropped the cash and we started to run.
As we get away I saw tears in your eyes,
I look at you and I know i got the best prize.
As we leave town I ask you where to?
Please say “I don’t know baby, as long as its with you.
We didn’t succeed and I am to blame,
Hoping you still loved me, even after our game.
I walked from the motel to the corner store,
where they sell news from the day before.
We made the headline news,
It said that we lost but baby I refuse,
to lose hope, to give up, to turn myself in,
because if i do that then we’ll never win.
We tried for the perfect crime,
only to be caught during an imperfect time.
Our balaclava’s lay face-down on the floor.
You told me you don’t wanna wear it anymore.
That’s fine by me because now I see who you are.
You see me too, my face is marred,
in the dim light you can see my numerous scars,
from playing with fire, and I got charred.
I glance at you and i know you don’t care
This world just seems much too unfair.
Remember the times that we shared
Remember your burdens i tried to bear.
We made mistakes we had regrets,
but we were in love that I won’t forget.
I hate that a chance was denied,
Even after I had tried,
So hard and for so long, to be proven wrong,
I was led on all along.
But I see you walk away on the roadside,
I yell and ask if you need a ride.
you say “where are you going to”
I say “I don’t know baby, hopefully with you.”
The glowing box in the living room calls me criminal
How? Like with you, the clues I left were subliminal.
Reporters, crime paparazzi, capture me with flashes of light.
Alone I stand on trial, This is not just, this is not right.
Hands behind back, I face the judge, the jury, the executioner.
They say my time away will cleanse my moral pollution.
Proceed with caution, apparently I’m dangerous.
But now I’m well known, apparently I’m famous.
A smug look on my face, what more can they do?
Invincible I felt, until they took me away from you.
They sentenced me to never see you again.
Confused, we were less than lovers and more than friends
So with acceptance, I took this rejection
And like running for election, I campaigned for affection.
But there was one exception, despite my intentions,
there were connections to allegations, ones I didn’t mention
And I feel like a fool for being so trusting,
Glory days faded, like a muscle car rusting.
Head hung, knuckles white, pale face,
I will go so silently, there will be no trace,
of my emotion, of my devotion, please get the notion,
that grudging feet will provide little motion
As im lead away, any last words?
Yes. “I love you Bonnie” I hope you heard.
All this while I pushed hopeful thoughts out of my head.
I tried to see in colors but I could only see red.
And beneath it all were people that I once knew,
Beneath our big lies hid small remnants of true.
The lives, the lies, the sighs, the cries,
The highs, the goodbyes, the tries,
Were all part of something we pushed aside.
some of us tried to beat it, some of us for the ride.
Whatever we chose, we knew just how far to go,
before we went too far, not too high, not too low.
for somewhere in between was to be ok,
somewhere to fall back to, when we lose our way
